Peace & Calm

Find Peace and Calm

Let Go of What You Cannot Control

It is a universal truth that there are certain things that lie just outside of our control. No matter how hard our human nature pushes us to reach these aspects of our lives, we simply will never be able to control each and everything about our days. This can lead to frustration. And that can be quite draining on our brains and our emotional health. This causes unnecessary stress. 

Learning to let go of the things that you will never be able to control is necessary in order to achieve a sense of calm in your life. There are some strategies that you can employ to assist in adopting this ‘let it go’ type of attitude. This article will outline a philosophy to help you overcome the need to control every aspect of the world around you. 

let it go

What is in your control?

The first step in letting go of the things that you cannot control is understanding what those aspects are. In any given situation, quickly evaluate what it is that you do have control over. Understand and accept those values right off the bat to alleviate the stress of being a bit out of control in other aspects. The following are things that are in your control.

• Who you will be when “life happens”

• Your mindset

• Your thoughts

• Your actions

• Your behaviors

• How you interpret situations

• How you react

• Your perception of life

• The life you choose to live

• Your future

• The activities you choose to engage in

• How you manage stress

• Your development and personal growth

• How you react to people, places, and things

• Your life choices


Things that are in your control continued --

• The people you choose to let into your life

• What risks you take

• How you treat your children

• Your choices in anything

• Your decisions

• Your attitude

• Your success in life

• How much effort you put into getting what you want

• How much time you spend worrying

• Changing yourself

• How you deal with failure

• Your honesty level (both with yourself and others)

• How you deal with your feelings

• How well you prepare for bad weather, traffic, etc.

• Being kind, compassionate and helpful

• How you treat yourself

• Honing the ability to let go

• Acceptance

• How much you think about your past

• Your negativity or positivity

• How much you love yourself

• When and if you ask for help

• Your creativity

• Your communication skills

• Your intimacy skills


One good example is when your teenage child is beginning to drive and this situation can feel a bit out of your control. In this situation, what can you control?

- When your child has access to a vehicle.

- Where your child is allowed to drive.

- Who is allowed in the vehicle.

Among many other aspects, these are a few things in this situation that you do maintain control over. You do not have control over the other drivers on the road. Accepting that information upfront is a good tip for overcoming the stress that goes along with losing this control.

Focus on Yourself

Sometimes you are in situations where more than one person holds control over aspects of the environment. Your workplace, for example, is an area where there may be some shared ability to control certain aspects of your day. Understanding where your influence is welcome and where it is not is a great step toward overcoming the stress of the need to control.

Set boundaries for yourself and only allow yourself to think about the areas which you are able to influence or control.


Understand Your Fears

For the most part, our need to control things stem from negative experiences we have had in the past. This means that fear is the driving force behind this behavior. 

If you can understand the fear that you are working with, then it will be easier to accept that you cannot control every single aspect of your life. Facing these fears is important for overcoming the need to control things. 

Manage Your Stress through Healthy Means

People who are able to let go of the innate need for control tend to have healthy outlets for overcoming stress and anxiety. Participating in yoga, meditating, and self-care are all positive methods for naturally reducing stress and anxiety in your life. By reducing stress and anxiety you are more likely to be accepting of the situations you find yourself in on a daily basis. 

Be Positive

Adopting a positive mindset is the last important step in overcoming the need to control certain aspects of your life. By being positive, you are more likely to accept the things that cannot be altered within your life experience.  A positive mindset can make a big difference in the overall experience of your life. 

Please remember, one thing that you can always control is how you react. That means that your response to stressful situations, your mood, your outlook on life are all things that you have the power to control. Make a pact with yourself to maintain a positive outlook, this pact can make a world of difference in the long run.

Share/Comment & Subscribe

I hope you enjoyed this article.  Please leave a comment or share it to help someone else through their journey with change. Is it time for you to pivot? Change is difficult and you don't have to walk that path alone. Subscribe to my newsletter to get inspired and take action towards becoming a better you.

Bonus material download

Affirmation: I am calm, patient, and in control of my emotions includes self-reflection questions at end of segment.

Affirmation Download


  • Angel Lewis

    Hello there! I'm Angel, an entrepreneur and writer who grew up in rural North Carolina and now resides in Virginia. My love for writing began during my time at Guilford College in Greensboro, NC. Over the past couple of years, I've authored two nonfiction books in the personal development genre. Along with writing for adults, I also created 'Ready. Set. Fly!', a children's book that inspires self-confidence and resilience. When I'm not writing, I enjoy gardening, reading, playing games, and spending time with those closest to me.

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